"I wish I could see you in person so we can sort all of this out."
-I want to see you as well. Maybe you've forgotten what it's like to be with me. I don't know how much seeing me in person would help though. Maybe all those feelings come back, but then you leave again and we're right back where we are now? I can't be toyed around with like that.
You know, I would be willing to marry you for the convenience of living in the same place so that you could be content being with me. Marriage to me has no meaning now. It is a legal practice that means we could make this work better. Who cares if the military back people into a corner when it comes to this. If you want to have a good relationship and that's what it's going to take for us to do it, then so be it. Get pre-nups, and divorce if we want to break up. I don't really see a difference between breaking up now, and breaking up if we were married. The pain is the same. You said marriage is the same commitment and everything as a relationship, but then also said you don't want to go through the same pain as you did when you got divorced. So which is it for you? Does marriage actually mean something more to you, and would cause you more pain and disappointment if it ended?
"It kills me what you're going through and I know it's my fault and that I'm a huge piece of shit."
-I think the guilt of knowing what I'm going through stunts you in some way. All you do is hate on yourself when you shouldn't. You're not a piece of shit and I want to shake you for thinking that way.
"I hate it. I never asked for any of this. I didn't ask you to wait and I'm not mad that you are."
-I really don't know what you want from me. I know you didn't ask me to wait, but if you don't want me to then I won't. I won't wait forever. Also, it sure sounds like you're pretty resentful of me waiting and feeling upset and emotional. Sounds like you wanted to take the easy way out. Run away and not face the issues at hand. I think you were ready to just give up on us completely because that would be easier.
"I am confused and frustrated and angry and stupid."
- The only reason why you would be stupid is letting go of a girl you love, and treats you right because it's not chaotic enough. That's immature. If you really don't love me, and don't want to be with me, then leave. I wish I understood better why you're confused. What is confusing about all of this?
"You think the world of me and I don't deserve any of it."
-Not true. I don't think you're infallable. I do think you're a great person in a bad place right now. You still deserve love, and a friend. You need to learn how to let yourself be loved.
"Maybe I am a shitty human being who's so emotionally fucked up that I only want women who are distant and are always on the verge of leaving me."
You're not a shitty human being, and you're not emotionally fucked up. You know you DON'T want a relationship with a woman like that. You want a relationship that is healthy, and loving, and someone who treats you right. You just may not know how to have it. We both have had shitty relationships, and the drama and chaos can be exciting for lack of a better word, but we're not kids any more. We both want adult relationships where we don't have to worry about whether the other person is going to be horrible and leave us in ruins. It takes a lot of work, but it's worth it. Baby, you would be crazy to walk away from this. This could be something really great if you got out of your own way, and stopped sabotaging it. I won't be here forever though if this remains to be the state of our relationship. I need committment, and a willingness to make it work. I need someone to reciprocate what effort I put in. I need you to pursue me still. I won't wait forever. I love you, and will love you, but I will become fed up of all of this and leave you. I am willing to give this a chance and to stick around and wait until we see each other again, but if you don't make a decision soon after that, I will make the decision for you. I will walk away no matter how much it breaks my heart.
"I don't know. I hate it and myself."
I wish you wouldn't hate yourself.
